Tips for Renewed Sexual Discovery: Jumpstart Your Sex Life

Simple strategies that will turn your old flame into a towering inferno

By Steve Calechman

March 27, Men's Health

Repetition is great--if you're learning Spanish, grooving your backhand, or making sure the sutures don't rupture. But it's death for your sex life, turning the pursuit of happiness into a holding pattern. Over Newark.

Well, enough of that stuff. It's time to accelerate your pulse with some good, clean, original sex. It doesn't mean risking arrest in a public garden--although it could--but it does mean injecting surprise into the proceedings. Yes, surprise--even if you think you know her body better than the quickest route to the local 7-Eleven.

We have 32 ideas to launch a voyage of sexual discovery unlike anything you've seen . . . at least since Cindy Lou let down her guard senior year. The difference now: You know what you're doing, and you have a partner who deserves your respect, attention, and devotion. So make the most of it. Now, repeat after us, "I will . . . "

1. START THE ACTION ANYWHERE EXCEPT THE BEDROOM.
The same old place is too conducive to the same old patterns, says Stella Resnick, Ph.D., a psychologist in West Hollywood and author of The Pleasure Zone. Explore some new erogenous areas: The kitchen. The bathroom. Quebec City. Your bodies will be in new places, making it unlikely that you'll follow old routines.

2. COMPLIMENT HER.
And keep doing it . . . at least five times a day. It'll make her feel noticed, special, and appreciated, and she'll feel closer to you. "The more connected she feels, the more sexually inspired she'll feel," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Compliment what she feels good about and cares about--her hair, shoes, singing voice, work triumphs--says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. A confident sex partner is an adventurous sex partner.

3. GO CANOEING OR HIKING.
Add a distinct but manageable touch of danger to the day. It will stimulate dopamine in her brain, which may trigger her sex drive, says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of Why We Love. Pick the right trip--a guided whitewater excursion, for instance--and learn all about both the risks and the precautions you'll take. She'll see you as the cause of the excitement, as well as the source of security. Book the right B&B for the afternoon dry-off and you're set.

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photo by Michael Dweck